How I get my head in the game to 'solo' parent when my husband is gone

Awhile back on my Instagram stories I was talking about having to handle all the things - kids, farm chores, work, etc... - while my husband was gone for work and I asked if you'd like me to write a blog post about how I get my head in the right place to parent when my husband is gone.  Here is that post.

Let me start off by saying it's hard (I admire all of you that are single moms - you amaze me). I find myself ending each day asking God, and my boys, for a little grace and forgiveness. 

Figuring out how to get my head in the game to handle all of the things that motherhood, working mom and farm wife entails is a work in progress.  It's one that started 5 years ago, after we were newly married and had our first baby in less than a year.  I remember those early days of marriage and motherhood when I'd freak out if my husband wasn't home at the "right time" for no other reason than to be home.  It was hard on him and our relationship.  We fought through it and learned that the number one thing that makes the biggest difference is communication.

Communication.  It's so simple, yet so... dang... hard.  If Adam tells me that he's going to be gone, whether it's for work, late for supper, or doing farm things that are too dangerous for the boys to go with, I'm fine and can keep my act together.  It's when there are surprise instances that start with "oh by the way...I'm not going to be around" that being on my own with the boys becomes a struggle.

I need him to communicate with me when he wont be around so that I can mentally prepare to handle 3 kids on my own.  If I can mentally prepare, I've got my head in the right spot to be a patient mom and can put a game plan together for what our days will look, what we'll eat and if I need to rely on some friends for help. Then comes the part where I offer myself a whole lot of grace ahead of time for things like feeding my kids ridiculously easy, and at times unhealthy meals, my house being a wreck, using the TV as a babysitter, and boys up past their bedtime. And you know what?!  It's completely ok if these things happen because I've learned that in these moments memories are made and this one morning, one day, or one week, wont ruin my kids.

I also try to do something special with my boys while Adam is away.  This might be going out to eat at a restaurant they pick (usually McDonalds or A&W), playing at the park or we load up the big boy's bikes and Gabe's stroller to go for a walk on a local walking path.

The other part of mentally preparing is giving myself some things to look forward to like; not having to put as much effort into making meals (although I probably should), crawling into my bed early and reading a book or tackling a house project or decorating project without any interference or questions. In other words, I take the time to give myself a little re-charge by focusing on me.

As for the day-to-day communication when Adam is around we have a few "rules" that we abide by.  The first is that we have a family supper at 6:30pm.  If he's not going to be around, he has to let me know ahead of time, otherwise he'll be home at 6:30 so I don't need to call to check in on him. If he wont be home by supper time, he's either got to get home before 8:00pm or stay away until after 9:00pm.  8:00-8:30pm is bedtime.  And, on weekends, one or both boys go with Adam on Saturday morning if at all possible.

So if I were to summarize all of my thoughts for you on how to get your head in the right spot to solo parent, here is what they would be:
1. Communicate to avoid surprises
2. Offer yourself a lot of grace
3. Give yourself something to look forward to
4. Create some family "rules"

Lastly, believe me when I tell you are both SuperMom (like Superman, get it?!) and a SUPER-mom!  We're moms, we are meant to do hard things.